Drunks.

When I go out, nothing bugs me more than having to take care of somebody. You know, the super drunk one thats falling over everywhere, losing her shit, and being a general embarrassment.

I have had so many bad experiences with girls not able to take their alcohol (or other things...); girls falling down flights of stairs, girls falling over velvet ropes, girls losing their clutches, phones and keys, girls with full out tits hanging out, flashing their crotch, grinding up on anything, crying in the fetal position, spilling drinks everywhere, girls sitting in flower pots trying to smoke cigarette butts, girls puking up everything everywhere, girls crying hysterically and of course, my favorite, girls blacking out.

Once their hangover has come and gone, I make it a point to tell them how drunk and stupid they were. Then I tell them all the embarrassing things they did. And then I tell them that this is the only time this year that I take care of them like that, everybody gets one free pass for total drunkenness a year and if they ever go over that limit, I will simply NOT go out with them anymore.

Renee is very aware of this and makes use judiciously of her yearly pass. Last year's incident involved being woken up at 4 am on a school night...Anyways, back to my point. Last night I spent the most entertaining hour watching FOUR party buses from Ottawa pull up on Crescent to unload childishly dressed (read : tacky) and inebriated 18 year olds. The cherry on top of the sundae was the last two girls to exit the bus. They were officially the drunkest, most disastrous girls I have ever seen. Lets just say it involved asses hanging out, walking barefoot in the street, stuffing sweatpants in cleavage and almost knocking over gas torches. It was the definition of Hot Mess.

I am just so glad that my friends have matured and that I rarely have to take care of them. They know not to wear shoes they can't walk in, they dress weather appropriately and usually know how to manage their booze... Well at least they manage to make it to destination. Thank God for small favors.